


A Day in the Life~ September 2019

by ERamos9696, happy29



Series: A Day in the Life [27]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 00:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20921435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERamos9696/pseuds/ERamos9696, https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy29/pseuds/happy29
Summary: Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, it takes a lot from a person and even when you think you have forgiven, there always seems to be a shard of hurt still left in the wake. We start September off with an impromptu trip to New Jersey so Danny can hopefully let go of his demons concerning Matt. It's never an easy road and sometimes you have to take those steps alone because the healing can only come from within. But it never hurts to have your partner in life by your side and that is where Steve will always be, by Danno's side and vice versa. Follow us through another month of daily text messages as we explore this ever changing relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mvernet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvernet/gifts), [DominicRichenel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DominicRichenel/gifts), [jlc17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlc17/gifts), [PhoebeMiller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoebeMiller/gifts), [LesliJones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesliJones/gifts), [stevedannolover100781](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevedannolover100781/gifts), [KatieTaylor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieTaylor/gifts), [jscott456](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jscott456/gifts), [carex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carex/gifts), [ERamos9696](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERamos9696/gifts).

> I just want to say that I love you all for all of the support that we have received from you from the kudos to the reviews and even though we don't always have time to respond, please know that they are all very much appreciated and help keep us going! This past month has been a bit on the crazy side with me dropping my phone and putting me in a frantic search for a solution to a screen that refused to work. Thank God for technology and the awesome mobile hotspot I was able to finally enable to be able to continue texting. A huge shoutout to all of the new followers who have just joined the journey, a big high five to the ones who have started back at the beginning for a reread of all they have been through and how much they have grown. Thank you!!  
To Liz... my days would be a lot different if you were not a part of my life. I look forward to many more adventures with these two. Thank you for being the Steve to my Danno. I love you and look forward to another visit.
> 
> We do not own or pretend to own "Hawaii Five-0" or any of the characters. All writing is done with the purpose of entertaining only.

Danny pulled the rental car to a stop on the small road that led to the section of the cemetery where the Williams’ family had several burial plots. He released his seatbelt and took a deep breath before he pressed the ignition button on the Ford Fusion, effectively killing the engine. The sun was climbing higher in the sky as the morning wore on and it fought the growing grey clouds that littered the expanse of blue for dominance. It looked like the clouds were going to win the battle as smaller puffs of grey combined and grew in stature. Danny decided the greying sky fit his mood perfectly. 

Beside him, Steve sat silently, waiting for Danny to make the first move. He knew not to rush his partner. This had been a long time coming and Steve knew if he pushed too hard or too fast, Danny would cave and quite possibly not go through with figuring out how to let go. So, he sat quietly and patiently, waiting for Danny to open the car door. It felt like an eternity and the only sound in the car was the slow inhale and exhale of breath coming from the man beside him.

“Which one is Matt’s?” Steve asked breaking the silence that had been building for too long. He glanced out the window at the row of grey headstones before turning to Danny. “Danno?”

Danny was a world away as he stared at the same group of headstones, eyes unfocused. “Huh?” he asked.

Steve squeezed his partner’s shoulder. “I asked which one was Matt’s.”

Danny pointed towards the plots. “My grandparents are on the left and Matty is on the far right. I think there is an aunt and uncle of my Dad’s in between.” Danny wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go through with this. He laced his fingers together and cracked his knuckles. “Okay. I’m a cop for God’s sake. I can face my dead brother.” The nervous tremor in his voice was evident as he opened the car door and stepped out quickly before he changed his mind. The air was thick with humidity and Danny found it difficult to breathe. The long sleeve t-shirt he thought he was going to need in the crisp morning air was long forgotten in the backseat. He walked around the front of the car and stopped short when his Chuck Taylor clad feet hit the grass.

From the passenger seat, Steve followed Danny with his eyes, willing him to continue his journey. They had come too far to turn back now.

Danny shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and tried to calm his nerves. One foot in front of the other, he took three steps and stopped.  _ Deep breath. Right foot. Left foot. _ Danny mentally talked himself forward. 

He was five feet from Matt’s headstone when Steve exited the car. He made his way towards Danny but stayed back to give him breathing room. He was there if Danny needed the support but knew this was a journey taken alone.

The cemetery was quiet and Steve was thankful there weren’t any burials, at least not in this section so Danny could have his privacy. He watched from a distance as Danny brushed a few fallen leaves off the tops of his family members’ headstones. Fall was fast approaching in New Jersey and some of the trees were already starting to turn colors. Deep down, Steve prayed that Gail was right and this was what Danny needed to finally let go of his guilt over Matt’s death. It had been almost five years and Danny still blamed himself for Not being able to save his brother. He watched as Danny took some deep breaths, hands once again shoved into his jeans pockets. His partner was animated and vocal and the man before him was neither of those things in this moment.

“I’ve never been very good at speeches,” Danny began, his voice soft, speaking so quietly that Steve had to strain to hear him. The birds in the nearby trees were chirping louder than Danny was speaking. “In fact, Steve has told me on countless occasions that I talk too much, both with my hands and with my mouth. Ramble non-stop about pointless shit… on and on and on. Drives him crazy.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile. That was his Danny, out-spoken and animated and never at a loss for words.

“I guess I’ve always been like that. Ma never could get me to shut up- at home, in school, at Grandma Williams who liked things quiet. Remember that? Huh? She used to give me the look all the time. My nervous tick, I suppose. I guess I do talk a lot. But I don’t always talk about what’s bugging me, you know? Like what’s eating me up on the inside. Pisses Steve off a lot because I should be able to tell him anything. He’s my best friend, my partner.” Danny withdrew a hand from the jeans pocket and waved it in the air. “After a couple years of being married, I’m getting better.” From behind him, Steve smiled again, they had come a long way in the communication department. “Right now it’s you, Matty. You are what’s been on my mind. Day in and day out. God-” Danny blew out a frustrated breath and ran his hands over the top of his head, another quirk of his that was meant to ground himself. Behind him, Steve backed up and leaned against the car, folding his arms across his chest. This wasn’t going to be a five minute conversation and he settled in for the long haul.

“Gracie, remember her? Your beautiful niece. She’s in high school now. Can you believe it? She came home from school the other day and in one of her classes they had a life lesson on forgiveness. So she gets this bright idea that Steve needs to forgive his mom for all the shit she has pulled over the years. Doris is a piece of work. Never met anyone like her. She doesn’t like me much by the way, a lot like Rachel’s mom never liked me. Anyway, Gracie tells me that I needed to forgive you for dying.” Danny released one of his nervous chuckles and ran his hands over the top of his head again, dug his thumbs into his eye sockets and blew out a long breath. The humidity had nothing on the product Danny had in his hair to keep it tame. “Like you had a choice in the matter, right? Like that was the option that you chose to worm your way out of the mess you made with Marco Reyes.” Danny was now talking with both hands. “God, I can hardly say his name without feeling this ball of anger build up inside of me.” His right fist clenched at his stomach.

Danny released his clenched up fists and looked at them, spread his fingers out wide and dropped his hands to his side. He took another calming breath and continued. “I go to therapy with Steve and the kids. Our therapist, Gail, is great. She’s helped us work through a lot of stuff together. We both have a lot of issues- a lot of baggage I guess you could say and she has taught us a lot about communication. I’m sure we are a constant source of amusement with some of the things we bring to her on a weekly basis. Anyway, that’s why I’m here talking to your headstone. I needed to figure out how to forgive myself for not being able to save you, Matty. I thought I had let it all go before, but I was wrong. I still blame myself.” Danny realized once again he had clenched his fists into tight balls. He uncurled his fingers and shoved his hands back into his pockets. He rocked back and forth, head lowered, eyes boring a hole into the earth before him as if he were staring directly into Matt’s grave. “Truth is, I could never have saved you once you made a deal with the devil and then stole that money from him. I never saw that. Steve had to point it out to me the other day. Marco Reyes had players in place everywhere, including prison. The second you stole from him, you were a dead man. I just didn’t know how deep you had gotten yourself when you got on that plane to flee. You weren’t man enough to own up to your own shit. Hell, my kids do a better job than you at taking responsibility for what they’ve done. No, Instead you ran and made everyone who cared about you worry themselves sick. You robbed all of us Matty, not just Marco,  _ but all of us! _ You know how often I layed in bed at night wondering where in the world you were? You were a grown ass man and you fucked up! But even through all that, you were still my little brother.”

Danny grew quiet and Steve waited for him to continue. “Marco Reyes came into my home, Matty.” Danny pointed an accusing finger at the headstone and jabbed at the air as if it were his brother’s chest. Tears of anger welled up in the corners of his eyes as his voice rose to a new level. “He finally caught up to you. Finally tracked you down. What the hell were you thinking telling him I knew where his money was? Huh? What if my kids had been there when he showed up? Yeah  _ Kids,  _ matty. You have a nephew Charlie who wonders who you are when we talk about Uncle Matt. What if he had done something to them because you were so fucking stupid? I worried about you for four years, Matthew. Ma and Pop and our sisters. We all worried about you. And you send me a fucking postcard out of the blue? I didn’t have a clue what it meant until Marco showed up and wanted his 18 and a half million dollars. What the fuck!”

Danny began pacing back and forth. “I dug up a good chunk of Oahu looking for Marco’s money and you know what? I found it. But it wasn’t all there, was it, Matty? You don’t even know what I had to do to come up with the five and a half million you kept with you. The favors I had to ask, the strings my friends had to pull to help me save you. But it was all too late.  _ I was too late _ . You were already dead, and looking back, I should have known that was going to be the outcome.”

Steve cringed as he listened to his partner. They both should have known that they were never going to get Matt back alive. 

“No one got to say goodbye to you, Matty. At least Ma and Pop have good last memories of you. Ma told me you had dinner with them before you came to visit me. You and the girls all around the dinner table. You know what my last memory of you is? Huh?” Danny’s voice was reaching another level as anger seeped into his words. Steve glanced around the cemetery hoping no one was around because Danny was starting to get loud. 

“A God awful oil drum that Marco stuffed you in.” Tears were falling from Danny’s eyes, rolling freely down his cheeks and he couldn’t stop them. “A dank and dark basement with a drug lord in front of me, eighteen and a half million dollars in duffle bags at my feet and they roll you out in an oil drum and deposit you in front of me. I could  _ smell _ your decomposing body, Matty. Before I even saw the oil drum, I knew you were already gone. I knew I wasn’t taking you home alive. It took everything I had not to lose it right there. You were dead. Everything I did to bring you home and it wasn’t enough. I can’t get that smell out of my head, I can’t get the sound of your body sloshing around in that oil drum out of my mind. It haunts me every day. I pray your death was quick, that you didn’t suffer. But my gut tells me that’s not the case. He made you suffer, didn’t he?”

“I killed him, Matty.” And there it was, Danny said it outloud. He scrubbed at his face, wiping away the tears, trying to regain his composure. “I made him pay the ultimate price for taking you from us. He was a horrible man. He killed a lot of people and he deserved to die. He can’t hurt anyone anymore. And maybe that’s part of what I can’t let go. I took a man’s life because he took yours. And it scares me what I am capable of when pushed to my limits. I killed a man, Matty,  _ took his life _ . Where was my punishment?”

Danny was starting to weep freely and Steve stepped away from the car to offer comfort. “I was arrested and sent to Columbia to pay for killing him and I suffered, but Steve got me out and brought me home and I still have this guilt eating at my insides. Because I killed him. I knew the way justice worked, he would never have paid for what he did to you or anyone else. And killing him felt so right and wrong at the same time and I just can’t process it. And i don’t know how to forgive myself. I put people in jail all the time for murder and part of me thinks that’s where I should be and another part of me says I’ve suffered enough.”

Danny dropped to his knees and Steve was behind him in an instant wrapping his arms around his chest and holding him tight. “We don’t even have a date to put on your headstone, Matty. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you from yourself. I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner. I’m sorry you had to die in the most horrible way. Matty, I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I can’t bring you back.  _ Please forgive me.” _


	2. Chapter 2

September 2, 2019

Today has been a long day of travel, flying home from Jersey. I'm glad we went and I'm glad I ranted at Matt's grave. I feel more at peace with myself than I have in a long time. Slept better than I have in a long time as well. Steve was amazing, offering just the right amount of comfort. After we left the cemetery yesterday I was so exhausted emotionally. I don't know how long I slept but it was what I needed. We then spent the evening laughing with the girls. I haven't laughed like that in a while. Like Steve said, my side still hurts. It was strange to see them without my parents and I really enjoyed our time together. All of us needed some healing.

Tonight we went to Ma and Pops to tell them how it went and I could see the relief wash over them. I think somewhere deep inside, Pop thought I was going to have a breakdown one day. Life is tough and I'm grateful to have the support that I do from my family.


	3. Chapter 3




	4. Chapter 4




	5. Chapter 5




	6. Chapter 6




	7. Chapter 7

September 7, 2019

I don't think that Steve and I can go for a single day without talking to one another, regardless of where we are in the world. This golf weekend away with Pop has been good for both of us. We haven't really gotten to spend any time alone together since forever and it is nice to not have any stress about anything. He is relaxed and laughing and I'm so thankful they made the move to Hawaii. I hated to think what another winter would have done to him. Kids don't come around to help shovel snow like they did when I was a kid and even pushing a snow blower in sub-zero weather can take its toll. I'm glad they are here.

Steve camping underneath the stars with Nahele has to be an adventure as well. One I would contemplate if I were in a tent to keep the bugs and creepy crawlies away. This island has some of the scariest looking insects I have ever seen and don't even get me started on the spiders.

I love my family and I'm thankful we can spend some quality time bonding.


	8. Chapter 8




	9. Chapter 9




	10. Chapter 10




	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to all the men, women and children who lost their lives in the attack on the US on 9/11/2001. To all of the police officers, firefighters and first responders who were just doing their jobs and lost their lives, we thank and honor your memories. To everyone that was effected in some way shape or form, our thoughts are with you. I remember I was working a second shift job and was woken up by a phone call from my mom telling me what had happened. I couldn't comprehend her words because I was still half asleep at ten in the morning... and then I turned on the television and just sat there numbly as the world just seemed to crumble. It was the weirdest thing to drive to work and hear songs with recordings of survivor's stories woven in. It was strange to sit outside in the evening and not see or hear a single plane fly overhead because all flights had been grounded. I was heartbroken for the loss of lives. I was in my early twenties and could not wrap my head around the hatred that would cause someone to take that kind of action. In 2013, I was able to take a trip to the 9/11 memorial and was left speechless. The pictures in this chapter are from that trip and I wanted to share them with you all. People went through 7 security check points before they were allowed in to the actual memorial and then only a limited number at one time. I don't know if that is still how it is today or not.

These are the additional photos I took that I wanted to share with you in in case you have not had the opportunity to see the memorial in person. There are two reflecting pools where each tower stood with the names of the victims engraved around each reflecting pool that died in that tower and on the plane that crashed into the tower.

Statue of Liberty

New York Skyline with One World Trade Center

"Survivor Tree" 

Only surviving tree from the attack on the World Trade Center. 8 foot stump with roots was found in the wreckage of the buildings and nursed back to health and replanted at the memorial.


	12. Chapter 12




	13. Chapter 13




	14. Chapter 14




	15. Chapter 15




	16. Chapter 16




	17. Chapter 17




	18. Chapter 18

September 18, 2019

Steve never ceases to amaze me. We can home from work yesterday, I went upstairs to change, come back down and there is a chef outside cooking us dinner. What a beautiful and delicious surprise. When he planned it is beyond me, but I love how he can still manage to surprise me. I'm glad I finally said yes two years ago. I'm glad he is still healthy and alive so I can continue to love him. He is my everything.


	19. Chapter 19

September 19, 2019

Prepping for a court case all day is not my idea of fun, but at least it was with Ellie this time around and not that other guy in her office. I still can't remember his name. But the best part of my day is coming home to my family, extra cheese on the garlic bread and kisses all around. Okay, Nahele is more of a fist bump kind of guy and that's just fine with me. I love that kid. I love Charlie and his thousand questions. I love Grace her mountains of makeup. I love Steve with his tattoos and clever mouth. I love Nahele and his endless thirst to nurture.


	20. Chapter 20




	21. Chapter 21




	22. Chapter 22




	23. Chapter 23

September 23, 2019

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the craziest of them all?

After the mirror debacle... I think I am fast approaching Steven in the crazy department. 


	24. Chapter 24




	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucket lists... who has one? So I am from Indiana and one of my bucket list items was to visit Sleeping Bear Dunes in Michigan. A world in it's own. The pictures in the text are from my trip this past fall. I hope you all take the time to go explore your world, you won't be disappointed.


	26. Chapter 26




	27. Chapter 27

September 27, 2019

Well, that was a blast from the past getting a message from Gabby. I love Steve with all that I have and he has no reason to think that I am going anywhere. Gabby and I, the timing was never right for us. I know I never loved her like I love Steve, but I cared a great deal about her. She was my first real relationship since the split with Rachel and moving to Hawaii. But like I said, the timing just wasn't right for us. She had her career to build and even though I wasn't going anywhere because of Grace, it hurt when she was supposed to come back and didn't. And then when she did come back, it was great and I didn't realize how much I had missed her. But at the end of the day, I need someone here with me, by my side. I can't do six months together, six months apart but still together. I can't do that. Somedays Steve probably feels like I just settled on him because he's here and he's constant but that's the farthest thing from the truth. Maybe in another life Gabby and I would have worked, but not in this one.


	28. Chapter 28




	29. Chapter 29




	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we have come to the shooting and the much anticipated who got shot and we had to wait all summer to find out... Poor Jerry.

September 30, 2019

Never saw that one coming today... Steve is going to have a hard time forgiving himself.


End file.
